Starting Over

Earlier this year I got the opportunity to participate in a powerful event for women of color. I’m forever grateful for my friend, a person I admire who asked me to speak. We were given 5 minutes to share our hearts, a story, something to leave an impact on others…so I decided to share about starting over because at multiple points in our life we will be required to do so.

Here’s what I’ve learned so far in 30 years on earth about starting over…

I’m convinced that life is all about starting over.

I’m going to dare & say — We live in a world of second chances. We live in a world of grace and mercy. We live in a world where we get to make choices.

But above all else, we live in a world that requires us to start over.

They say that the only thing constant is change — and change requires us to start over.

We graduate from Kindergarten to go to 1st grade and start over.

We go from jr. high to high school to college — each time to start the education process over. And each time just like in grade school we’re building on parts of the past to create the future we want.

When you get the dream job that you thought you wanted & 8 months in and you realize this ain’t it. What do you start to do? Look for a new job to start over.

40 years of working & it’s time to retire. What does retirement look like? You don’t know but you — start over

You’re in the relationship you hoped for and you realize it requires a different you that used to be. What do you start to do? Look for the exit sign and eventually… start over.

Your boss says your project needs tweaking so you — start over

Your hair has been colored one too many times leaving it damaged and dry so you have to cut it off and — start over

You don’t get accepted in your dream college or don’t find a sponsor for your Ph.D. studies so you — start over

You get interrupted one too many times in a meeting. You reassess the situation and — start over

The past 12 months required a lot of starting over:

• My trainer when I quit mid-crunch — Kim start over

• I’ve watched others start over:

○ 4 good friends leave the company I work over — they are starting over

○ Another 4 amazing women each over 35 with kids just deliver babies — they are starting start over

○ 4 friends had their divorce finalized recently — they are starting over.

• In May I ended a relationship with someone I was convinced I would marry. I cut him off, dyed my hair and — I’m starting over

• In January I left a team and business that was birthed from my idea — I started over

• In 2018 my family lost my aunt and her son (my closest cousin) within 4 months of each other — we are starting over

So I have to repeat it — I’m convinced that life is about starting over. There are second chances. We live in a world of grace and mercy. We live in a world where we get to make choices. We live in a world that will always require us to start over.

But this time I will add — there is no end date to this cycle. We will be starting over for the rest of our lives.

It’s hard. It’s exhausting. It’s not for the faint at heart. And existing in a world where Black women are constantly overlooked, underestimated & marginalized — at times it can be just plain painful.

BUT

Starting over is a tad bit easier with each other.

We are not powerless when it comes to starting over. We get the chance to say I’m starting over — this time differently. This time with my crew behind & beside me.

So the next time it’s time for you to start over realize that you have options:

1. To let others determine how we start over

○ OR

2. To start over with lessons learned, healed wounds & new perspectives.

○ We have the choice to take the pen out “their” hands and write how we choose how we will start over…again and again and again